no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
