Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
