I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
