Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
