I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
