i need an iv and a liver transplant
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
