never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
