5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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