Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
