i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
