i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
