there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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