What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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