Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
