My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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