the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
