the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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