do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
