Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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