I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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