So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios