you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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