seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
