You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
