That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
