this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
