The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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