I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
