"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
