forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
