Are we in a gay sports bar?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
