The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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