well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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