apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ttyl tear gas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
