He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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