I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
