ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
