VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
