Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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