After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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