I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My dick has a subreddit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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