yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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