I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
