God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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