It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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