Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
