Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
