You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
