I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
