I faked an abortion last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
