hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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