ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
