I'm jealous of your bromance
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
