the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
