my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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