So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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