There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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