he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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