No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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