The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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