now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we're making bets on your personal life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
