I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
