Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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