You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
