speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
