let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
