I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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