these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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