my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
