We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
