So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vagina is officially offended.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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