Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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