You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
